Coming to Peace
by sydneygirl90
Summary: Harry lies next to a sleeping Hermione and evaluates his marriage with the one he loves.
1. Chapter 1

I am Papermask on Portkey. I posted this same story there. This story was not copied from there. :)

This story is set a few years after the epilogue.

I've always thought that for Harry to be with Ginny and Hermione to be with Ron, they would both have to put on a front of a hero and an intellect. They could never truly be themselves. That basic idea is sort of what lead to this little bugger. I hope you like it. ;)

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the rights to all of these characters. I don't. Tada. ^_^

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Harry Potter turned over and looked at the clock. It was two in the morning and Harry still couldn't sleep. However, this wasn't bothering him as much as it usually would. Harry had a lot on his mind. Tomorrow would be his anniversary with his wife. He loved her so much. This, however, was not what was troubling Harry. It was how Hermione Granger had become Hermione Granger-Potter that had been keeping Harry up.

It wasn't but a few years ago that he was married to now single-but-dating Ginny Weasley. Or then at least, it had been Ginny Potter. It hadn't taken Harry long to realize that he had made a huge mistake, but by the time he figured this out, Ginny was pregnant with their first child. Harry swore not to leave her, especially not when she was pregnant. So, he held his emotions down. It didn't seem very long before Ginny was pregnant again. And then again. Although Harry loved his children dearly, he often wondered why they never used a contraceptive...but this was not important. Harry wouldn't give up his children for anything in the world. This made it so much harder for Harry to eventually leave Ginny.

It wasn't until Harry had actually noticed that Hermione was officially 'taken' by someone who wasn't him did he see the horrible mistake that he had made. He hadn't felt it with Krum in fourth year - he knew they wouldn't last. He hadn't felt it in seventh year with Ron - he assumed nothing would change. But, it wasn't until Ron and Hermione were officially married did Harry see the weight of the matter. Hermione was married. She was in love. She wouldn't love Harry anymore - at least not like she used to. Ron would make sure of that. It was like any further closeness between Harry and Hermione was forbidden, even if they were sharing a simple but private conversation. It was the small things that Harry began to miss. He would not be able to really interact with Hermione anymore. No more speaking with shared looks. No more reading each other's minds. No more shared memories of the past that consisted of just the two of them. It wasn't very long before Harry began to go slightly mad. He had never fully appreciated Hermione until he knew that he couldn't have her. For this he felt horrible, like he had used her and never shown her any respect. This was all that Harry could think about when he was alone. He beat himself up over it for years. After Ginny first became pregnant Harry had finally sunken into a personal depression. He was extremely good at hiding how he really felt. At least, from Ron and Ginny. Whenever he and Hermione would have the slightest moment alone, she would catch his eye while smiling, and every time Harry had to see her smile fade as she saw the truth in his eyes. He knew that Hermione had hated herself for some time for not figuring out why Harry was so upset. Though, it wasn't for the lack of trying. Anytime she got too close, either Ron or Ginny would pull back the rope, and they would lose another moment together. Because of this, Hermione eventually slipped into sadness as well.

It got to the point where Harry and Hermione barely shared any dialogue at all. Even when Ron or Ginny weren't there they hardly talked. It seemed that Ron and Ginny had trained them not to interact. Harry was still amazed at the power they had over him and Hermione. It seemed that they were both considered prizes. Ginny, who had won the Boy-Who-Lived, and Ron who had captured the smartest witch of her age. Of course Harry knew that Ron loved Hermione very much, and that Ginny cared for him as well. That was just it, though. Ginny cared for him. She didn't love him. Her idea of love wasn't even close to the kind of love that Hermione had showed him. Ginny only knew Harry for the dramatic hero, so that's what she expected from him. Just as Ron had only really known Hermione for being intelligent, so in turn that's what he had expected from her. Needless to say, Harry and Hermione were constantly tired. It wasn't much better when Hermione was pregnant. It seemed that no one could tell that Harry and Hermione were losing themselves. Although once or twice, Harry thought that Mr. Weasley could see what was going on. However, he never said anything, so that's the way it stayed. For twenty-three years.

It was like Harry and Hermione would never be the same again. It stayed that way, until Ron got a very large promotion at the Ministry of Magic. This left Hermione with more spare time than she had had in years. At this point Ron and Hermione's children often visited Harry and Ginny's children. It quite literally wasn't until one of these visits did Harry and Hermione finally have a chance to speak, to _really_ speak. The moment was still fresh in Harry's mind, though it had been many years ago.

_"Oh for goodness sakes...not again," Ginny said rather over-dramatically. It was a bright saturday evening, and Ginny had just begun to make dinner._

_"What is it, Ginny?", Hermione asked sleepily from the living room._

_"I'm completely out of ingredients. I asked Harry to go to the shops and buy some for dinner," Ginny replied. She walked into the yard where Harry was watching the children play. Hermione drooped in her chair._

_"Harry, you didn't go to the shops!", Ginny yelled over the laughter of the children._

_"Bugger," Harry said softly, "I'm sorry, Gin. Do you want me to go now?"_

_Ginny looked back into the living room. Hermione sat comfortably in one of the chair with her legs curled up beneath her. She seemed like she was falling asleep. Her hair almost draped her face in a wavy spread. Ginny scoffed lightly and ran her hand through her straight red hair. She turned back to the yard._

_"Don't worry Harry, I'll go," Ginny said, and with a loud crack, she was gone. Unfortunately for Ginny, the crack woke up the drifting Hermione with quite a shock. Hermione looked around the room and saw no one. She turned her head and saw the children outside. She also saw Harry sitting outside. Hermione looked around for Ginny, but she didn't see her anywhere. She decided to take her chance as it was given to her. Hermione went outside._

_"Hello, Harry," She said timidly. Harry looked around at Hermione, slightly surprised._

_"H..Hello," Harry almost whispered. There was an awkward pause before Harry motioned for Hermione to sit in the chair next to him. Hermione slowly sat down and focused her attention on the children who seemed to be playing a very exciting game of exploding snap. She tried not to tear up as she saw Harry look at her from the corner of her eye. This attempt, however, was unsuccessful._

_Harry didn't know what was going on. He had simply looked at Hermione and her eyes started to water. What had he done?_

_"Hermione?", Harry whispered, "What's wrong?"_

_Harry was amazed at how freely the words flowed from his mouth. He hadn't had this kind of chance to speak to Hermione in years, yet he was talking to her like they used to. Words seemed to pour from Hermione's mouth as well._

_"Oh Harry...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be like this. I just thought I would come and sit out here with you, seeing as I've barely spoken a paragraph to you in years, and now look at me. I'm so sorry," Hermione said as she got up and walked into the living room. Harry followed her._

_"Hermione, please, I know we haven't had a proper conversation in so long, but please tell me what I did?", Harry pleaded. This seemed to only make Hermione sob harder. Harry didn't know what to do._

_"Harry, you've done nothing. It's just...I've just...,"Hermione trailed off. Harry had a sudden yet deep urge to know more._

_"Hermione, please tell me," Harry said. Hermione just looked at him. It seemed like hours had passed while Hermione simply stared into his eyes. Harry simply stared back. Suddenly, Hermione threw herself at him with such bottled up force that Harry almost fell backwards._

_"Oh Harry, I've missed you so much and we never get to talk and I've been so upset for so many years now and...and", Hermione started to sob again. Harry just held her. They stood there for a good ten minutes while Hermione cried into Harry's chest. Harry was able to keep himself from tearing up. He had forgotten Hermione's bone crushing hugs. He could never understand how someone so light could be so strong. Hermione's sobs eventually went down to mere sniffs._

_"Hermione?", Harry whispered, "Are you okay?"_

_Hermione nodded her head and stepped away from Harry. He immediately missed her frame against his. Hermione sat in the same chair that she had almost fallen asleep in. Harry sat across from her. As Hermione fully realized how she had just acted, the room became tense once more. Harry didn't want to take it._

_"I've missed you, too," Harry said. Hermione looked as though she might start crying again, but she was able to hold herself back._

_"You have?", Hermione asked timidly. Before Harry responded, he looked outside at the children who were oblivious to what was going on._

_"Of course I have, Hermione!", Harry whispered almost excitedly, "It's been twenty-three years since I last conversed with you about anything other than the weather. I've needed you so badly."_

_Harry surprised himself when he said the last sentence. It was the truth, though. He needed her very badly. He looked back up at Hermione who seemed almost shocked._

_"Oh Harry...," She whispered. Harry instantly braced himself for a hug that he knew was coming. Sure enough, Hermione crashed into him once more. Hermione looked up at Harry. They were both thinking the same thing. Harry had just predicted what Hermione was thinking. Just like old times. They stepped apart. It was at this moment that Ginny appeared with a crack. She had her arms full with grocery bags, two of which blocked her view._

_"I'm back!", Ginny yelled. Harry and Hermione didn't move. The children came running into the living room while Ginny made her way into the kitchen. Rose looked up at her mother._

_"Mum, why are your eyes all red?", Rose asked slowly. Hermione immediately looked scared._

_"Rose, Hugo, let's go. We're leaving," Hermione stated flatly._

_"Leaving?!", camed Ginny's voice from the kitchen, "I just got all the food!"_

_"I'm sorry," Hermione whimpered, and with that, she and her two children disappeared with a pop. Harry couldn't tell if she was apologizing to Ginny or to him._

_"What's up with her?", Ginny said as she walked back into the room. She saw the look on Harry's face and instantly was suspicious._

_"What happened?", Ginny asked. Harry just shook his head and walked out of the room._

The memory left Harry's mind as he heard Hermione sigh in her sleep. He smiled. Slowly, his thoughts drifted back to his memories. After that day, Harry and Hermione would look out for any moment they had to talk. With Ron working later and later, this became easier. When Ginny was out, Harry would apparate to Hermione's and Ron's home just to talk to Hermione. Hermione brought the children over to Harry's and Ginny's home more and more often. She would help Ginny make dinner (this became amends for deserting Ginny's previous meal), and when Ginny would turn her back, Hermione and Harry would catch each other's eye. That was enough for them. Over the years, this continued in increasing amounts. Eventually Harry and Hermione were able to see each other more frequently, and sometimes it would be just the two of them. They relished in every chance they had to talk. They caught up on everything from children to personal ideas and feelings. Slowly, they both had an increase in good health and mental state. Hermione no longer seemed so upset, and she smiled so much more. Harry felt alive once more. On occasion they would talk about telling Ron and Ginny about their secret meetings. However, they would always decide against it. They weren't doing anything but talking, so it wasn't bad...right?

Harry and Hermione's meetings not only increased in number but in location. They were finally able to walk around the shops and to go out for lunch together. They even visited Hogsmeade once or twice. After about a year of the secret meetings, Hermione discovered that Ron was developing a relationship with an old classmate by the name of Luna Lovegood. Hermione had found a letter addressed to Luna in one of Ron's folders from the Ministry. Hermione couldn't help but read it. Although there was no indication of an actual, physical relationship, it was obvious what was going on. Harry was surprised when he found that Hermione didn't seem remotely hurt by the letter. Mostly she felt upset that Ron thought he couldn't tell her about the relationship with Luna. However, neither Harry nor Hermione tended to dwell on that topic. After all, Harry thought, they still had Ginny to worry about. Although, Harry was sure she didn't suspect much. He and Hermione hadn't shown any more signs of closeness since Hermione's now famous "dinner escape". This kept Ginny at bay.

However, eventually things did start to change. Harry found himself wondering more and more what it would have been like if he had married Hermione instead of Ginny. They both knew their feelings for each other, yet they never spoke of them. It seemed like if they spoke their thoughts outloud, they would be cheating on their spouses. That certainly wasn't a road either one of them wanted to go down. Yet, time and time again they approached the subject, until one day love finally took it's toll on the two.

_Harry and Hermione were having tea at Hermione's home. The air was calm and the wind was warm. They sat next to each other, laughing about old times. It was then that Hermione leaned over and kissed Harry on the cheek. Harry turned to look at her and smiled. Hermione simply smiled in return. Her eyes flashed to his lips, and for a moment, Harry lost himself nad gave her a peck on the lips. They both giggled in a silly fashion. It wasn't until they stopped giggling that Harry and Hermione looked at each other one more time. The air became strangely serious. Hermione bit her lip. Before either of them knew it, they were kissing. Not just friendly kissing, either. Harry wrapped his arm around her waist while Hermione reached up and hugged his neck. This was definitely not friendly kissing._

_"Har-mph", Hermione said as Harry captured her mouth again. She melted against him._

_"Harry...Harry...", She said in between kisses. Harry knew what she was trying to say, but he didn't want to stop. However, he knew he had to._

_"Hermione, don't say it. Please," Harry pleaded. Hermione bit her lip again._

_"Harry, we can't. We're both married, to our friends, no less. We have to wait", She said._

_"But what for, Hermione? When will we ever get to do this without feeling guilty or afraid?", Harry asked._

_"Harry...", Hermione murmured._

_"Hermione I've wanted this for so long," Harry said._

_"I know. Me too. But Harry, we can't. We just can't."_

_They stared at each other. Harry sighed._

_"What now?", He asked. Hermione looked up at him with her lovely brown eyes._

_"I don't know, Harry."_

After that, the secret meetings started to dwindle. They didn't dissappear completely, but Harry and Hermione felt that it would be best if they had a little bit of time to think things over. Where they really going to go through with this? Would they put their friendships with Ron, Ginny, and the whole Weasley family on the line for a new relationship? Harry knew what he wanted. He wanted to go back in time and make a different decision. He wanted things between him, Ron, and Hermione to be like they used to be. Yet, Harry knew that they could never go back to that. Not now. Not when he was so deeply in love with Hermione, not when she loved him, and certainly not after Ron was possibly having an affair with Luna Lovegood. Eventually, Harry's wish of being able to start over blended into nothing.

While Hermione saw less and less of Ron, Harry and Ginny began to fight. Now that Harry felt so much more alive than he had before, he wanted his independance back. He was sick of being Ginny's lap dog. Don't be mistaken, He still cared for Ginny and wished only good things for her, but he no longer loved her. He hadn't loved her for a very long time. This only contributed to Harry's quest for freedom.

However, Ginny didn't understand what was happening. It was as if one minute everything was fine, and the next Harry had gone mad. Ginny knew something had happened, that something had changed Harry, but she couldn't think of what it could possibly be. Many times she thought that maybe Harry was having an affair, but she would always push that idea out of her mind. She hadn't seen Harry act like this since they were at Hogwarts. Not since they were younger...not since Harry had been part of the now broken trio...not since Harry had been so close to Hermione. Hermione. Whenever she thought of Hermione, part of her would fill with pain. Although she and Hermione had almost always been friendly towards each other, Ginny had always been jealous of her. She, who got to spend so much time with Harry, while Ginny was only included on the side. Ginny watched and waited while Hermione and Harry shared secrets and jokes, laughed and talked. Hermione got to walk so close to Harry, be his best friend. Even when Ginny and Harry had first started dating, he and Hermione were just as close as before. In fact, it wasn't until she and Harry were married did Hermione start to keep her distance. Ginny would try to fool herself into thinking that it was because Hermione was so busy with Ron, but she knew the truth. She was able to hold a tight leash onto Harry, and whenever things seemed too close, too funny, too perfect for him and Hermione, she would pull back. She knew that she could only pull so hard for so long before the leash broke, and Harry and Hermione would be joined at the hip once more. Ginny sighed and her eyes teared up. She knew the leash was broken.


	2. Chapter 2

There's a fighting scene in this chapter. I've never really been good with fights, so please let me know what you think of it. :)

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Harry shifted in the bed. He still couldn't sleep. So many memories were flooding his mind. Memories of how he and Hermione finally came to be together. Heaven knows it wasn't easy. Yet, through it all, Harry somehow knew that everything would be okay in the end. It wasn't long after Harry and Hermione had kissed that Ginny started to become clingy and controlling. Now, not only were they fighting almost every day, afterwards Ginny would come to Harry with a sappy apology and follow him around like a lost puppy. Needless to say, this put a major strain on Harry and Hermione's secret meetings, which were already winding down in number. Something had to give.

_"Harry, tell me why you're acting this way!", Ginny yelled. Harry looked toward the children's rooms. He didn't want any of them to hear this, especially his little Lily._

_"Ginny, you either need to lower your voice or we need to take this outside," Harry whispered sharply. Ginny scowled._

_"Fine. We're going outside then.", She snapped. They both walked outside. They weren't outside for half a minute before Ginny jumped on Harry again._

_"Harry, I swear, you've got to tell me what is wrong with you! You've been acting insane for the part seven months, and I can't take this anymore!", Ginny yelled._

_"For goodness sakes, Ginny, I don't bloody belong to you!", Harry snapped. Ginny looked surprised, if only for a moment._

_"Harry, what is going on?", She said more calmly than before. Harry sighed._

_"Ginny, I can't do this anymore."_

_"Do what? Live!?", Ginny hissed. Harry rubbed his forhead._

_"No, Ginny. This. I can't...I can't stay with you anymore. I can't do this anymore," Harry said flatly. Ginny stared at him with an expression mixed with surprise and sadness._

_"So it's true," She said weakly,"You have been cheating on me, haven't you?"_

_"What? No, Ginny that's not -"_

_"Then what is it!? What have you been doing for the past months, then?", Ginny yelled. She was obviously frustrated and confused._

_"Ginny, there's more than one reason to this. It's difficult", Harry lied. It was rather simple: he didn't love her._

_"For goodness sakes, Harry, you sound like Hermione!", Ginny snarled. This caught Harry's attention._

_"Don't bring her into this!", He yelled a little too quickly. Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. It was like the light bulb flashed on. Ginny looked at Harry increduously._

_"Oh my gosh," Ginny whispered, "Harry...you've...you've been cheating on me with...her?"_

_"No, Ginny, all we've done is talked!", Harry said. He decided to keep the kiss he had shared with Hermione to himself._

_"Right, you've spent all these months, maybe even years, talking. Yeah, that's it exactly," Ginny said sarcasticly. This infuriated Harry._

_"YES GINNY, THAT IS ALL WE'VE BEEN DOING!", Harry screamed, "I hadn't properly talked to one of my best friends in twenty-three years, and because of you, no less! How do you think that made me feel!? You and Ron have watched me and Hermione like a couple of hawks! Whenever we got anywhere near each other, you both would be enraged! You were so convinced that we were going around behind your backs that you forced us apart! Did you or Ron even NOTICE that I had slipped into a deep depression? Or that Hermione was too thin and malnourished because of the sadness she felt? Or were you both too happy with your 'prize' spouses!?"_

_Ginny stared blankly at Harry, small tears forming in her eyes. She knew it was true. She knew that she wasn't in love with Harry anymore. Yet, even worse, she knew that she had been trying to keep Harry and Hermione apart. Plus, Ron's love for Luna Lovegood wasn't so much of a secret anymore. Ginny knew Ron and Luna had never actually done anything, but that he loved her. So Ron had Luna, and Harry obviously wanted Hermione. Ginny knew that she would just have to let go. But where did that leave her?_

_"I want a divorce, Harry," Ginny said calmly. Harry stared at her, then nodded his head._

_Harry remembered what had happened after the fight with Ginny. He had apparated to Hermione's home, expecting her to be reading or resting. What he found was a slightly teary Hermione listening to Ron and Luna._

_...so you see, Hermione, things just aren't the same," Ron said. Hermione looked up and saw Harry, and for just a moment, she felt as though she wasn't alone._

_"What's going on?", came Harry's voice. Ron and Luna turned to see Harry standing behind them. Ron opened his mouth to speak._

_"Well..um..you see -"_

_"Ron and Luna were just explaining their relationship to me," Hermione interjected. Ron looked at Harry, expecting to find him furious, but Harry only nodded in understanding._

_"We've only ever kissed, Hermione, I promise," Luna started. Hermione held her hand up._

_"Luna, don't worry. I'm not mad. In fact I understand completely," Hermione said while she glanced at Harry, "I just wish you two would have told me sooner. To be truthful, I've known about this for some time. I read one of your letters, Ron," Hermione added sheepishly. Luna smiled lightly, while Ron looked extremely relieved. He turned to Harry._

_"So, Harry, what brings you here? Have a fight with Ginny?", Ron added jokingly. When Ron saw that nobody was laughing along with him, he stared at Harry seriously._

_"Harry, what happened?", Ron asked a little too forcefully. Harry looked at Hermione, then back at Ron._

_"Ginny and I did fight. We've both decided that we want a divorce", Harry replied. Hermione looked up at Harry with a hopeful expression. Ron stared at Harry without much of an expression, and Luna seemed to be preoccupied with digging something out of her purse._

_"Are you very angry, Ron?", Harry asked. Ron continued to stare at Harry, then sighed._

_"No, I suppose not. I mean...I think we all sort of saw it coming. Just promise me you won't hurt her anymore," Ron said. Harry was slightly hurt by this, but agreed anyway. There was an awkward silence, but Luna's voice broke it as she pulled out a small plastic bag from her purse. It was empty._

_"My mum used to say that no problem was unsolvable given a large enough plastic bag," Luna said. Everyone stared at her, then started to laugh._

_"Luna, what does that even mean?", Ron asked laughingly._

_"You know, I'm not sure," Luna replied, "Hermione, do you know?"_

_"Actually, for once Luna, I don't think I do," Hermione said happily. They all laughed once more._

After that night, Harry and Hermione spent almost every day together. Harry moved into Hermione's house, while Ron moved into Luna's. About a year into their relationship, Ginny began to heal as well. She eventually got into a rather serious relationship with Neville Longbottom, whom she ran into at the shops. They were still currently dating, but everyone was expecting Neville to pop the question soon. Harry turned over onto his side.

He and Hermione had had a spring wedding, with blooming flowers and casual breezes. Ron and Luna decided on a winter wedding. The children adapted fairly well to their new relatives. Granted, it had taken them some time for them to get the just of it, but by this time, they were all settled. And now, it was almost five years later, and Harry was happier than he had ever been. He ran his fingers through Hermione's bushy yet beautiful hair, causing her to wake up slightly.

"Mmm, is everything alright, Harry?", She asked. Harry smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

"Everything is perfect," He replied. Harry Potter wrapped his arm protectively around Hermione Granger-Potter's waist, and was finally able to slip into a peaceful sleep.

The End.


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